forcing a friend to watch a tv show
When I’m a parent I’m definitely going to ask my child often “are you okay?” I never want my child to be crying their eyes out when I’m peacefully sleeping under the same roof and I certainly never want them to feel like there’s nobody there for them. Because I always will be
there’s a difference between “lazy” and “i don’t want to fucking do that shit”
never thought 150 thousand people would agree with me
but what if Ellen Degeneres and Neil Patrick Harris hosted an award show together
I’m like 90% sure no actual awarding would be done because they’d constantly be trying to ride off each others bit and it would turn into like a three hour comedy skit
plot twist: pizza guy wins the oscar for best male in a leading role
*older relative voice* Do you have a boyfriend?
my ex is still logged into twitter on my phone
i could be cliche and tweet ‘I’m a DOUCHEEE lol’
every few days i will tweet something he would totally say
but he will never remember tweeting it
slowly the slightly out of place tweets will drive him insane
you are satan
- Teacher: How much is a gram?
- Me: Shit, Depends on what you want..
take a chill pill, your honor